Friday, June 25, 2010
From the start of a journey that began with my child being diagnosed with a rare syndrome all the way to now where I’m learning how to wear the grief of my child’s death, I have often contemplated these two questions: Will I have what it takes and will I be enough? For me personally, it is impossible to ponder such philosophical questions without looking inside myself spiritually, which leads me to the One who unconditionally answers these types of questions with complete truth. Unfortunately, because of the imperfect world we live in accompanied by our own imperfections, we are occasionally drawn back to asking those questions over again. Even though we still embody the same answer we received before. What also comes with that spiritual look inside my life is a back door view of past experiences which affirms that I will always have enough since I always did.
One of the questions I am asked frequently is, “How did you get through Michael’s illness and death, your husbands heart surgery and your own breast cancer happening all at the same time?” The answer is typically the same - You do what you have to do trusting faithfully you will always have enough. I admit that it seemed easier to push through when I was doing it for my child or my husband than for myself. However, I have learned the importance of caring for myself to allow an increased capacity to care for others. With every medical crisis we were given the skills and the wisdom in faith to handle what came our way. I probably doubted it many times over the years, but now the “you will always have enough” concept has given me the confidence to approach situations with that truth and reality in tow. I found little value in saying, “Why me? Why Michael? Why did this happen to us?” Mainly because in the here and now there are no true answers to those questions, I simply don’t give energy to them. Instead, I am gracefully and humbly learning how to say why not me.
The words “daily bread” is something I have recited in prayer almost weekly since I was a young girl. Because of the many challenges I have faced in my life, I found myself questioning the true meaning of those words. Thankfully, I can say that I believe those words mean you will always have enough for that day. There will always be enough by trusting in simple words such as “give us this day our daily bread”. Conducting your life, whether it is difficult or not, with faith, trust, love, and a belief that you have strength beyond your own, you will have enough. In doing so, you will discover who you were made to be.
You will Be the Change.